I’m a firm believer that honesty is the best policy. So – I’m just going to get this out of the way. The past 48 hours have been consumed with one thought – ‘OH SHIT!’ Oh shit, this is really happening! Oh shit how did I get 600 views in 48 hours? Oh shit, where do I go from here?! Oh shit – what if I can’t get anything to go together from here on out and the whole purpose behind this fails?!
I currently have 5 drafts started and one entry written. My original thought was – I have to start from the beginning. People need to know the painful start and see how it all unraveled. They need to know the messy, depressing, super shitty parts before they can see how I came to this point. And I do believe that, but there’s one thing about me and this whole journaling/blogging thing that I’m starting to see as a road block – and that’s the editing. Very rarely do I ever go back and reread, nor edit any of my writings. It drives me nuts to see a million grammical errors while reading something, but I’m finding when I go back and edit – I loose the rawness and the realness of what I’m trying to say. I start deleting, then adding, then mixing up words until it looks like a choppy ass piece similar to something I did in 1st grade. ha
So – my ‘plan’ was to really stick with the Josie component, especially with the holidays coming, I know this time of year is so hard for so many people that are missing vital people around the dinner table. But, if there’s one thing I’ve been forced to learn after years of trying to get around it is, control and minor details of every aspect of our lives aren’t always the most beneficial. So, while I’m trying to control what this is going to look like, the format, the content, the monthly theme – I’ve decided to quit saying ‘oh shit’ and start saying ‘eff it’! Forget the rules, forget worrying about what or how everyone may pick this apart, forget about the spelling errors or the missed period and do what you do best. That’s what I’ve been told the past couple of days by anyone I’ve asked advice from ‘do what you do – sit down in front of a blank screen and let it come out of you like it always does.’ Leave the details at the door and trust in something bigger! Trust that whatever comes out in front of you is perfect timing and most suiting for your audience at that time. So here I am! I sure hope I’m guided accordingly – bear with me!