My mom had me at the age of 50, she thought she was going through menopause and went to the doctor, only to find out she was pregnant…with number 6 of the bunch. She cried the whole way home, and then I came along!

Welcome to the life of Bryan Brighton, a PEM High School English teacher, husband, and father of 3. Little did I know in the 10th grade, that this man, would be one of the primary reasons behind my love to write. It was not hard to enjoy his class and his enthusiasm for it. From jumping on desks to explain that there is in fact, no difference between 1 exclamation mark and 5 (who knew?), to reading “To Kill a Mockingbird”, there was a comedic seriousness when entering his room. A second descendant from England immigrants, and a man with great stories and insight, I hope you enjoy!

What was your biggest struggle in High School?

My dad passed away at the age of 59 from a heart attack. I was 13 years old. After that, I had this overwhelming fear of abandonment. I never wanted to be left behind or miss out. If my friends were meeting at 7 pm, I would show up at 6:30 just to make sure they didn’t leave without me. And it wasn’t just with particular people, it was with anyone. Being left behind wasn’t an option.

What has been the biggest life changing event for you? In what ways has it changed the way you live your life?

Going to the doctor at my lowest point, forever changed my life, as well as the ways in which I was thinking and living. After my mom passed, my depression intensified. Alot. Walking into that office came with it this instantaneous moment of release and relief. I just sat and cried, and talked. It literally saved my life. By making this decision, it opened up an entire new conversation surrounding mental health about our family history that I was unaware of.

It was amazing what surfaced once the dialogue began. I reached out to my siblings and just told them what was going on, and suggested that if they had any of these symptoms, they were worth getting checked out. Through talking, we realized there were similarities amongst us that we’ve shared and it’s also created dialogue with our children.

Another life changer, was after getting a medication change. I had maxed out on my current med, and needed to up my dose, which consisted of bringing in another medication, Wellbutrin. This was the first time in my life that the thought process of ‘if I don’t wake up tomorrow, it will be ok’, stopped. For as long as I can remember, I had this thought process daily. When at my lowest, it worsened. Even while on Celexa, I would still have these thoughts. I didn’t even realize how content I was thinking this, or that it wasn’t normal to think.

What was depression for you?

You’ll hear people say ‘those were the dark years’, but you never really understand what they mean. Until you look back at old pictures and see yourself, as if there’s this invisible weight you were carrying, and you think, oh, yep, now I get it. Those were my ‘dark years.’

Depression for me, was total and complete exhaustion, while also not sleeping at night. I’ve always struggled with not sleeping, another thing I just thought was normal. When overly tired, depression rages on my internal monologue. It will ramp up and escalate quickly. What may begin as ‘don’t forget to buy bread’, can quickly become repetitive, followed by screaming in my head, drowning out other thoughts.

My career was always the divider though. Whether in the Marines or teaching, when I entered that zone of structure, I was in my element. I knew what was coming, how to perform and was still able to be my goofy self. No one in that environment would have guessed I was struggling. But once I hit my front door, the only thing I wanted was my bed. It is exhausting to be so exhausted. My family didn’t get the best of me, instead, they got too tired, cranky me, and that wasn’t fair.

Depression for me, was flirting with the idea of yanking the steering wheel just enough to the left as a semi was approaching in oncoming traffic to end it all, more often than I care to admit.

What’s the biggest lie you’ve been told?

Before I got married, everyone always told me to enjoy being single while I could, because once you get married, it’s going to be hard work. Everyone said it takes so much to make the relationship work and stay together. I’ve been married for 25 years, and it’s the easiest thing I’ve done, and it’s been anything but work. Of course, there are things we don’t agree on, and we have to talk through it, but I don’t know that we’ve ever yelled at each other, or even hit a point of such intensity.

People will tell you ‘never quit, never give up’. And that is true in certain things. I do believe that if you start a season, project or make a commitment, you should finish it. But I also believe there are certain points in life, where you have to be okay with letting something, or someone, go.

The career tests are liars. They will tell you, if you take this test, we’ll be able to tell you what you’ll be when you grow up. I was supposed to be a Forest Ranger. So…yeah….gotta go with a lie on that one.

What comes to mind when you think about the most difficult choice, or thing you’ve had to do in your life?

Hanging in there when the only reason not to is disappointing others. Prior to getting help there were so many deep holes and so many easy ways out. You’re so tired …. all the time and just getting up every morning is like …ugghhhh. When you have little kids, a spouse, Moms and all these people that you couldn’t bear the thought of putting through the sadness, the questions, the years and lifetimes of wondering ‘what if you just keep on keeping on’? You always remember, I just have to do it today.

Feel free to share, if this story resonates with you!

Despite where we’re at in life, we can all use additional support. Let’s connect! For a complimentary phone call, visit http://www.crisisaverted.org to schedule!