Ever made a New Years Resolution, only to get to February and either forget about it, or mentally give it the middle finger? #storyofmylife We’re so jacked this time of year, (post sugar coma) to get back on “the wagon”(you know, the same one we fell off last year! 😉 I don’t know about the rest of you, but I was primarily trained to make resolutions around weight loss. But there’s so much more to us then just this!
I walked into 2018 with the intention of saying “yes” to every new opportunity that arose, especially the ones that made me uncomfortable. This forced me outside of my comfort zone and crossing paths with some pretty amazing individuals and causes. Upon turning 34, I took on choosing a “word of the year”, which for me, was “TRANSFORMATION”. I started asking where in my life I could transform more and what underlying layers I needed to work through in order for me to do so.
Do you ever throw something out and then get totally side barred by the ways in which it happens? Yeah, that was me. What I had pictured in my head for positive transformation couldn’t have been further from how it actually shook out! So many lessons.
I’m just going to be honest, 2018 was an ass kicker of years. I’ve had a few of them over the past decade, all for different reasons, and this year was another one. I’d be lying if I said I was sad to watch it go. ✌ 2018 taught me that it isn’t about what I think it should be, it simply will be, whatever it needs to be. Fiiine, lets be real, this is an every year lesson, but this year roared really loud, especially in the physical realm. It taught me that without my mental and physical health, life can be debilitating. I spent most of the year attempting to recover from the Epstein Barre Virus,(which is mono that lies dormant in the body, often affecting the liver, spleen and thyroid). When it reactivates, it’s worse then mono and took months longer to recover from. I lost alot of hair and had to come to terms with not being able to dye it, while learning to only style it certain ways to avoid patches showing. I’m fully aware that in the grand scheme of life, this is petty, really petty actually. But honestly, a woman’s hair is a big part of them and for me, it’s really big, despite how petty! I had to sleep when I needed too, because I couldn’t function if I didn’t. I had to learn to have patience with myself as I slept most days away. I’m still learning that just because I can do more, doesn’t mean I don’t need recovery time. I had to be OK with the weight gain, because I was too exhausted to do anything else.
I had to learn to calm my mind that many days, seemed impossible to control. It was an entirely different episode of mental warfare then I’d ever experienced prior. This time, was the first time in 11 years, of having to learn to understand what mental illness consisted of, without being medicated or having that option to numb it. Mind you, never have I felt more insane, but I was able to evaluate myself more objectively because of it. I had to learn to have faith in what felt like a painfully slow process. That also meant faith in the healer that was treating me, even if progress wasn’t being made at the speed I wanted it too. I had to learn that if I’m not in a good place, it’s hard for me to support my clients. After all, if your tank is running off of empty, how can you replenish anothers. I’m good for trying to push to bone dry and then spending twice as long trying to recover. I think most are trained to operate this way, especially women.
I learned alot about getting into business and what it takes to maintain. That for as much as it may make sense to go back into the corporate work force full-time, it isn’t for me. Even if that means taking the long way around, it doesn’t speak to my soul.
I was reminded that I’ve always believed in mental health being affordable and that everyone deserves to have it. Which meant me reevaluating my business structure and being committed to the cause more then the money. And in the same breath, being OK with charging for services. They are more then worthy of it and honestly, a necessity in everyone’s life. Everyone needs someone to hold them accountable and guide them through life with an outside perspective, myself included. It’s personal investment and I don’t have to feel bad about others not understanding it. I was also forced to recognize how much of my “why” is still based off of guilt around Josie’s suicide. This is super frustrating to me, because I’ve worked so hard to rid myself of that weight. But I’m reminded of the residue that seems to stick like tephlon! Either way, to be 100% honest, it’s down right annoying that this is still coming up! Perhaps its just a component of suicide I need to accept, or just another layer to recognize and continue to trudge forward, as time will tell. #tobecontinued
As I move into another year, while reflecting on the last, I’ve thought long and hard about a word I want to take into this new year. And I’ve decided, my “word of the year” is going to be TRUST. I want to walk into this year trusting in the process, that everything is exactly as it should be. That I may be better about trusting others without judgement, or putting walls up so quickly, but also questioning my trust in some and where their intentions lie. That I may trust in something larger then myself, even if I can’t see it right away, remembering that nothing happens without reason, and it all serves its purpose.
Now that 2019 is upon us, I urge all of you to find your “word”. Something that will sit at the forefront of your mind. Something you want to personally improve on. Share it with others so they can hold you accountable and remind you what it is you chose to work on, or through over the next 365 days. Be mindful that it may not show up how you expected, but the results will yield better because of it! And please, feel free to share here as well, giving others ideas of words and let us know your intention around your choice.
May 2019 be one of light, love, healing and resilience. May you know more joy then sorrow, feel more love then hate, be more kind then cruel, choose to be the light through the darkness and choose positivity over negativity. Always remember, you are amazing, your life matters, and nothing is permanent.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Please share to help others kick off their 2019 with a positive #wordoftheyear
If you’d like to schedule a free phone consult, please contact me at http://www.crisisaverted.org
November 14th, 2007 marks the “9-11” of my world. A date that became a dreaded day in my history book, one that shook me to my core, a depth I didn’t know was possible. This day not only marked the death of my sister, but the death of me as the person I had become thus far in life. As the years have unfolded I’ve realized how many times I’ve died, how many old layers and stories I’ve shed. But as with any death, both physical and metaphorical – comes birth. It’s funny how much we don’t realize or focus on that. With every loss of a person, relationship, home or possession comes new opportunity – assuming we’re willing to see it. We spend so much time looking back at that closed door trying to figure out how we could’ve left it open, that we blind ourselves from seeing the beauty that lies ahead.
Revolution.07 