I walked into 2019 with my “Word of the Year” being trust. I knew I needed to learn to trust in the process, trust in my discernment of others, while also trusting in something larger then myself.
As with the beginning of every year, I went into it with enthusiasm and excitement, finding myself being conscious of things happening around me, and saying yes to new opportunities with complete trust that all will work out as it should. As the year progressed, that excitement faded and I found myself getting lost in the daily chaos and giving into things I knew felt off, ignoring the fact that trust was what I needed to be focusing on.
As the year came to a close, trust began making itself apparent again as many things were happening around me in which I was feeding fear more then trust, far more fearful of the outcome, with less faith in the lesson. With reflection, I realized the biggest lesson that was being taught, was the most important, and that was to trust myself, my decisions, and my internal guidance system.

Thank you 2019, trust, and all with whom I’ve crossed paths with, you have taught me so much about the world at large, those surrounding me, and most importantly, myself.

The Year of Trust has taught me….

That behind every face is a story, and each story has a multitude of chapters.
That chapters are often more complicated than they may appear, and with them comes a lot of layers and depth.
That the lyrics of a song can put our emotions into words for us, and there’s always another one to be written, striking a new chord.
That humility looks alot like getting knocked down, and resilience looks alot like continually standing back up.
That you can feel utter and complete loneliness being in the midst of many, and connection can feel safe amongst the company of few.
That the masks we wear are just wounds waiting to be bandaged and healed, but you can’t bandage something without first acknowledging it needs attention.
That just because every ocean makes waves, doesn’t mean it didn’t start with a ripple.
That while all of the human emotions are important in serving a purpose, belly laughter is an absolute necessity in daily life in order to keep your sanity and wits about you.
That every outward judgement of another, originated with our own internal critical voice towards ourselves.
That every problem has a solution, assuming you’re willing to find it, with acceptance that it may be different than you had originally envisioned.
That oftentimes relationships look less like fairytale endings, and more like hard working, beautiful chaos.
That trust requires a level of being comfortable with not knowing, and not knowing demands a lot of letting go.
That the behind-the-scenes is often different then what’s playing on the stage. And the mistakes are your opportunity to improve moving forward.
That the days of dress rehearsal are nearing an end, and showing up and moving forward is about to become mandatory for all.
That while strength is an attribute to aspire too, it requires weakness to obtain, and with weakness comes vulnerability.
That the idea of responsibility is more than just paying the bills, and holding a job. It is observing your thoughts, emotions and behavior and most importantly, owning and changing them when necessary.
That everyone’s lens and perception of the world is so very different. And the only way to understand the complex layers, is to take the time and willingness to explore them.
That support looks different for everyone, and sometimes you have to ask…both for it, as well as how to be it.
That often times imprisonment is generated by that of the human mind, and obtaining freedom, looks a lot like self reflection, hard work and discipline. However, the benefits always outweigh the drawbacks.
That our outside world often represents the state of our inside world. You will see both order and chaos cycling.

That it’s easier to swim down river then it is up, and when we’re going upstream, we’re in resistance to what is in front of us.
That in order to evolve, we must be willing to enter new territory and that anyone has the capacity to do so, given they are open and ready to try.
That over your lifetime the compilation of small things will always be the big things, and authentic support and encouragement are something the world at large is in desperate need of.
That there is no escaping balance. Everything and everyone has light and dark, positive and negative, yin and yang. You can’t have one without the other and you have to be OK with both sides of the coin.
That life is a dance, it requires stumbling, sidestepping, backward and forward motion from beginning to end.
That truly moving forward often requires forgiveness. And forgiveness of self is the hardest apology to accept.
That it’s important to remember that life can always be worse, there is a lot to be grateful for, attempt to see even the worst days through a lens of gratitude.
However, it’s also OK to acknowledge that a struggle is a struggle, and pretending the armour isn’t heavy, only makes the weight feel more unbearable.
That faith looks different to everyone, maybe it’s less about the details and more about the importance of simply believing in something larger than ourselves.
That we need to get back to the basics in life, there’s beauty in choosing to simplify instead of complicate.
That every sunset is followed by a sunrise, even if it takes awhile to see the light.
That we’re all just doing our best, even on days it feels like anything but.
That with each passing second, minute and hour, follows another, day, week, month and year. And with those comes the opportunity of a clean slate, waiting for us to create a new story, write new chapters and sing new lyrics.
As we enter not only into a new year, but a new decade, the phrase that resonates is ‘letting go’. Letting go of linear and small minded thinking, of toxicity in its various forms. Letting go of control, the need to be right, self hate, self doubt and self judgement and learning to silence that nasty little, but loud and critical voice within. Letting go of unresolved internal chaos, and people that aren’t encouraging growth and evolution; both in themselves and others. Letting go of pent up emotion and unspoken words, both positively and negatively charged. Letting go of the need to please everyone around me in order to feel validated, while also letting go of the constant need to resist and rebel, they say there’s a sweet balance between the two…I’ll let you know when I figure it out 😉
As with everything there is a counterpart, with releasing comes embracing. I look forward to embracing new opportunities, people and places. Embracing more authentic conversations amongst a plethora of people, continually learning and adapting, being open to whatever is put before me, knowing it is for my evolution. Embracing uncertainty through the lessons, while remembering that I too, am only human….for as easy as it is to allow the words to flow through my fingertips, it doesn’t come without the realization and harsh reality that putting it all into action is the hardest part.
May you let go while embracing as we enter into this exciting new time. Thank you all for your love and support in the many ways in which you have provided it, Happy 2020!

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