Revolution is a word that has come out of my mouth more in the past 2 years then ever before. I’m a believer in it. And although at the time I wasn’t sure what type of revolution was needed in this world – I began thinking of when my own personal revolution began. It was 2007. 2007 was a huge shifting point in my life – and it’s taken me years to realize that. 07 was the year I got engaged, quit my full time job (without a back-up plan), remodeled and moved into the house I grew up in and it was the year that ended with the loss of my sister. My only sister – Josie – at the age of 19 – from an unexpected suicide after a loosing battle with clinical depression.
That was a turning point in my life that brought me to the depths of the valleys I never knew existed. I felt things I wouldn’t wish upon anyone and I learned things I never want to repeat. But just as the night is always darkest just before the dawn – on the other side of every valley is a hilltop. After years of not only sitting in the valley, but years more of drowning in water 2 inches deep unable to stand up – I’ve finally started to see with a clearer vision of what the view from that hilltop looks like.
Revolution.07 was my own inner tornado of life experiences – more like blows – that seemed to kick me each time I attempted to pick myself up. Have you ever felt as if you were banging your head on a wall wanting to make it stop but you couldn’t? That was me. The image I get in my head is Austin Powers trying to escape, he keeps putting it into drive, then reverse, then drive – but isn’t making any progress;)
My revolution began in 07, driven by intense and overwhelming cloud of sadness and guilt that I was unable to pull myself out of. In 2009 I took another hard blow of a very messy separation– from that point on I was anger driven. Overwhelmed by hatred and anger, I continued to spin out of control trying to find a new way to move forward, but too blind or consumed by past life experiences to know how.
The only consistent thing from 2007 to present has been my writing. This has been my safe haven and one of the few healthy coping mechanisms I used from the beginning of this shit show. I’ve been told multiple times through the years to blog but never had the confidence or the know how to actually do it. And I really didn’t think I had anything substantial to offer people on a regular basis through my writing.
There are still a lot of things about this endeavor I’m unsure of, such as what the format will look like or the topics will be – but I’m hoping you’ll stick with me and help guide me! And I hope I can help you – despite what your current situation may be – to see the light through the darkness, to know that healing is possible – from the depths of your soul. I hope you know there are people and resources out there to help get you there. To teach you that mind, body and soul are all connected and that peace within and without are possible. I know because I’ve finally been able see what the view from the top is starting to look like. And although I have plenty left ahead of me, I’m looking forward to this part of the journey. This is where my revolution has really begun – turns out it’s a healing revolution – and I hope it will help trigger yours as well. Welcome!
Continue reading the next entry “The Fog“
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